TWELVE VAPES OF CHRISTMAS
Christmas is coming and I'm already getting that festive feeling!!!.
The inside of my house looks like the actual Spirit of Christmas got hammered on Harvey's Bristol Cream, ate one too many iced mince pies and literally threw-up tinsel, baubles and 101 other items of festive ephemera in and around every room that it drunkenly stumbled through, before passing out on the bathroom toilet. As for the back garden... well that's a laser light-show of star-showers and snowflake projections that make Blackpool Illuminations look dull by comparison.
All of these were bought by my better half. I swear.
Point is, Christmas IS coming whether you like it or not, and to get you through the trauma, the piles of discarded wrapping paper, the heart-wrenching sobs of children who's batteries have already gone flat on their favourite Chinese imported Disney-a-like doll, I have compiled a list of my favourite TWELVE VAPES OF CHRISTMAS.
Just grab some or all of these and I guarantee you'll have a VERY Merry Christmas!
A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR (DRIPS) TREE - A delightful pear perry, easy to vape, and grown-up too. Alcohol and Christmas are just made for each other!
(JUST REALISED... NO OTHER FLAVOURS FIT WITH THE SONG LYRICS... BUGGER)
CREME ANGLAISE - The creamiest custard vape ever created, perfect for vaping whilst noshing a large slice of plum pudding!
WILDLING - A cool Christmas blast coming straight from the North Pole, bringing dark berry fruit and aniseed. Chill-tastic!
DOUGH BOY - Custard and blackcurrant jam in a lightly fried doughnut. Well, Christmas is for pigging-out isn't it? But Dough Boy isn't just for Christmas... it's a year-round fave!
CINNABOMB HAZE - Yup, more cake indulgence! This time it's a warming cinnamon sponge smothered with raspberry, unlike any bakery juice you've likely tried. Santa can keep his mince pies... I'm having this!
GHETTO GUMMI - While the kids are bouncing around the house on Christmas Day with all the E-numbers from the sweets they've gorged themselves with, I'll be kicking back with a gummy treat of my own - Ghetto Gummi! A sweet, pineapple and peach toke that won't rot the teeth!
MONKEY BREK - Probably just a rumour, but Monkey Brek is actually based on the breakfast Santa's Elves eat every single day of the year before going to work in Santa's sweatshop. A big bowl of creamy custard with sliced banana, crumbled with biscuit over the top. YUM!!!
STRAWREO - Oh yes! A Strawberry and Oreo mash-up that really should be on ANY Christmas wish-list. Sublime.
JAX FUDGE - We're on the 9th Day of Christmas and it's our fourth custard! This time, the Elves have been fudge-packing and accidentally shot a load into some creamy custard. Result? Fudge Custard to die for!
CHEW BACCO - A deeply indulgent Christmas treat! A rich caramel tobacco and warming gingerbread combination that is perfect for relaxing with on Christmas Day night once your belly is full, all the kids are in bed and you sit by the warm glow of the fire with a brandy.
BLUE CHEESE - I know, we're all getting a little pogged-out with all these desserts, but there will always be room for a small slice of Blueberry Cheesecake! Soft natural blueberry compote sits on a creamy creamed-cheese layer and a buttery biscuit base. M&S can't touch this!
NOM BONGO ICE - Here we are, on the Twelfth Day of Christmas, and to be honest we've had enough. All we're looking forward to now is our summer holiday in the sun. Get that Caribbean vibe early and get some Nom Bongo Ice in the tank. Tropical fruits straight from the sunny islands poured over ice. Bring on the summer!
So there we go, my twelve favourite juices for the Twelve Days of Christmas!
If I don't see you before, Have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!