NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
We all make 'em and we all break 'em.
Here are my 2018 New Year's Resolutions!
1. BUY LESS VAPE HARDWARE!
Let's be honest, most of us full-on vapesters*** tend to blow money on hardware like a fat man throws money at cake. Er, that'll still be me in that analogy then... didn't think that through.
*** ( Vapesters - like hipsters but with less beard and more box...mod )
ANYWAY, my first new years resolution is to SPEND LESS ON HARDWARE!!!
At the end of the day, my hardware serves two purposes and two purposes alone -
1. Supply power ( The mod )
2. Vaporise the juice ( The Atomiser )
That's is it.
I know deep down that if I bought the new WANKOJOY CHIEF ADMIRAL 469W*** I'd only ever run it at 50w max, something I can already do with ALL of mods I already own.
I also know deep down that if I bought the new WANKOVAPE PURPLE PULSER 24mm RDA***, I'd only stick the same coils in it as usual, and spend several days 'Imagining' that the "New Improved Spiralised Airflow Deflectors"* increase flavour tenfold.
Air flows in, coils heat the juice, I inhale. End of.
In all seriousness though, the purchase of hardware only ever really satisfies the need for "New Shineyitis". Any new atomisers I buy seem to come with ever decreasing returns in flavour improvement, most of the time the difference being almost imperceptible ( Unlike the very perceptible high pitched whistles coming from the "Spiralised Air Deflectors" that have all dogs and cats alike in my nearby vicinity wincing and howling in pain every time I take a draw )
This then leads me neatly onto resolution number two.
*** (These items exist only in my mind. You will NOT find them on Fasttech)
2. BUY MORE JUICE!
They say you can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter. And that self-same sparkling lump of faeces, vaped through your WANKOVAPE PURPLE PULSER 24mm RDA***, will STILL taste of....turd.
Yup, at the end of the day, it's the actual JUICE you buy that determines your quality of vape above anything else, NOT the hardware!
So my second resolution is to spend more on quality juices! ( with all the money saved on hardware of course )
And not only buy more quality juice, but try a much wider range of flavours.
For example, I LOVE my coffee. I have an expensive Krups Bean-to-Cup machine that dispenses freshly ground and brewed Espresso/Ristretto/Cappuccino coffee at the press of a button, using beans delivered to me on a weekly basis that just can't be bought in your local supermarket.
Yet I have never tried any sort of coffee based e-liquid. Ever.
And browsing through the whole Nom Nomz catalogue of liquids and one-shots over the Christmas break has made me realise I may think I've vaped a lot of juice, but in reality I've barely scratched the surface.
This will be remedied.
*(Still just a figment of my fertile imagination...honestly, you won't find it on Gearbest. Don't even look)
3. OVERCOME PUBLIC VAPE GUILT
Now, I'm no ignorant twot who blows huge clouds whilst walking though a crowded Wakefield town centre on a Saturday lunchtime, but I do still suffer from Public Vape Guilt.
I do still feel very self-aware every time I exhale even the smallest puff of strawberry infused vapour, waiting for that clutch of old ladies walking at least ten feet away from me to start flapping their hands at, well, nothing directly in front of them ( other than what they've seen at distance ) and openly grumbling in fairly unquiet terms "pooo, what's that smell, can't be good for anyone..."
I know it's doing me at least 99.5% less harm than a cigarette.
I know them there grannies should ideally know everything is fine, but I tell myself they are ignorant.
I know I actually do vape respectfully in public.
I know I need to get over myself, relax, and enjoy vaping wherever I am, as long as it's allowed.
4. LESS PERSONAL SELF-GRATIFICATION
Stop touching myself whilst watching Gemma Atkinson on my full back-catalogue of Strictly Come Dancing episodes.
Not share so much personal information publicly.
Balls. That's resolutions No. 4 and No.5 broken, all whilst typing this article.
Now where did I put the Kleenex...